Hiya Dolly InnerGirl,

I’ve always been a really loud girl, who isn’t afraid to give anything a go - I love socialising and meeting new people. Except, my friends at school have recently been talking about me behind my back saying that I’m far too confident for my own good and that I need to get off my high horse if I want to keep my friends!

I’ve been trying really hard to calm myself down, I don’t volunteer to take part in half as much stuff as I used to and I barely ever put my hand up to answer things in class anymore. I’m finding it really difficult to settle down, but I’m afraid that if I don’t ...I’ll end up friend-less! Can you please help me out?
L
A:
Hiya L,

Being loud and out there worked for you for a while as you felt comfortable you were being yourself. You were fun to be around. Drawing attention to your self has a down side too. Just like the seasons, peeps change, and you change. This is not about you being right or wrong, its more about what you can learn from this as you move out into the world as an adult. Feeling good because others enjoy our company, sets us up for depending on that vibe to be happy.

When peeps decide to turn away for whatever reason, we fall into a hole! Have you been neglecting your own needs and feelings by thinking of others first? Being happy from the inside out, attracts good genuine friends.

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Dear Dolly InnerGirl,

I have an unusual situation! Instead of being bullied at school, I’m being bullied at my part time job! I’ve only been there six months, but my “workmates” have been bullying me pretty much from day one! I am the youngest person there, and I have a feeling that this is a major factor in the way that they treat me. They constantly refer to me as the ‘lackey’ and they get me to do all the bad jobs – like cleaning!

I don’t know who to discuss it with because my boss is only twenty three years of age and most of the people at work are the same age as her so they all think that it’s funny! So far I feel that I’ve managed to handle the situation well considering what they do to me, but I don’t want to leave the job because I earn great money and the hours fit perfectly with school. What do you suggest I do? Is this technically bullying?
K

A: Heya K,

Ask yourself what is the upside of this job? You have already told us the money and the hours are good. And you are cool about their fun as you don’t react so far. You have always got a choice about what you think or do about how others treat you. Could you use this situation to your advantage? Your choice.

What are the down sides? Cleaning up is one of them. See, the others know you don’t like cleaning, so they have fun by watching you. You could choose to surprise them by cleaning with a smile on your face... after all you are making good money, so while you clean, think about what you are going to do with that hard earned cash. Saving for a car? Buy some nice clothes? Remember, nothing stays the same. Sooner or later there will be someone younger than you will start working there, or an opportunity to work somewhere better comes along.

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