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SAYING OF THE WEEK!
IF YOUR HAPPINESS
DEPENDS ON WHAT SOMEONE ELSE DOES,
I GUESS YOU’VE GOT A PROBLEM
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Dear Dolly InnerGirl,
There's this girl at school who is a popular mean girl. She has turned 4 of my besties against me & now I've only got 3 besties left n 2 of them like the mean girl! This girl has cyber bullied me on msn and I’m losing all my friends! Please help me! My school life is so uncomfortable and I’m being bullied all the time.
C, QLD
A:
Hey C,
Peeps who are mean have issues. It gets them attention, and any attention no matter how they get it will do. It may help you to think of this girl as actually very needy. Being upset with them feeds their need for attention again! Its time for you to turn your attention onto the only person who really matters. Guess who that is? Yes during this time you have felt uncomfortable. You say you want out of that feeling. You can change that no matter what’s going on in your friends frenzy.
Get into THIS MOMENT. Breathe deeply at least three times. Now focus on those hurt feelings fully. Welcome them. Now ask your self "Would I be willing to let go of these feelings?" "Could I, just for now, let these feelings go?"
"When?"
Keep breathing , welcome the feelings, and asking yourself these questions till you calm down. When you see these girls, do it again in your mind. As you let them go you are not going to be on the radar for negative vibes. And offering a smile is even better... they’ll wonder what you are up to!
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Dear Dolly InnerGirl,
My parents recently made me move schools and I’m not liking it at all and feel really uncomfortable. My friends I have there are always making me feel excluded from the group. I have tried hanging out with other people but the same thing happens. They always need to talk alone and the rest of the group can listen except for me. I ask them what it was about and they say it’s private. When we are making group decisions and I go to say something and before I finish they say ‘no we don’t like that’.
It doesn’t make me feel good when they said that it's like my opinion doesn’t matter and that I’m not that important. I’ve told my parents and they said it will be fine and see how it goes but I’m not fine. I want to change schools. Can you please help me?
S, VIC
A:
Hi S,
Having moved schools, it is quite a challenge to fit in with established groups, and yes, you are experiencing this. The need to belong is natural, and creating a friendly energy that brings acceptance is what you are asking for.
One way is to offer a compliment to someone when you see something they do well. It is MOST important that what you say you really mean. Peeps can smell a rat if you are just trying to be nice. Focusing on others positive qualities, and then sharing your feedback can break down barriers. It also shows you that you can overcome difficulties without avoiding them by leaving...they would only happen again at the next school anyway.
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