Dear DOLLY DR, I'm 15 and I have an issue ... my ex-boyfriend and I had sex after only four months. We rushed into it way too soon and I'm so ashamed. We didn't use protection because he didn't have a condom ... wasn't thinking! Now lately I've felt really sick, like I want to throw up. I feel faint and been having stomach cramps. I've had my period every month but it's really short and did a pregnancy test that was negative, but isn't there like a 50/50 chance of it being correct?
Lilly.
I'm sorry to hear that you have found your first experiences of sex difficult for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, let me reassure you that the pregnancy tests you buy at the chemist or that are done at a doctor's surgery are very accurate — over 90 percent, rather than 50 percent. So, if your test was negative, and it was more than two weeks after you had unprotected sex, then you can assume that you are not pregnant.
However, the fact that you have been feeling sick and experiencing pain and "funny" periods is definitely a good reason to visit your doctor to discuss this further and maybe even have another pregnancy test. You can see a doctor confidentially — the doctor will not be allowed to tell your parents or anybody else about you without your permission. (The only situation where she would have to tell somebody is if you are in an unsafe
situation, for example if you were forced to have sex or have been abused).
Apart from talking to your doctor about your physical symptoms, I think it would also be a great idea to discuss your other feelings, such as feeling ashamed. Although people may react to sex, especially the first time, in a variety of ways, ideally it should be a positive experience. So, if you have been left feeling that it wasn't, or that you made a decision that you in any way regret, it can really help to talk this through with someone. Your doctor should be non-judgemental and treat what you say confidentially.
If you don't want to visit your family doctor you can go to any other doctor, or to a sexual health clinic, a youth health service or a family planning clinic. You might then also want to discuss other issues for the future, such as contraception, condoms and other issues that will make you feel good about your sexuality and relationships.
