Hanging out with your bestie and having fun, laughing, watching movies, talking and generally having a fab time are what makes having a best-friend so great! But what happens when one of you has something huge going on in their life and they are sad, down or preoccupied all the time? What is the right thing to say? Should you try to be there for them every second or give them space? We run through some suggestions on how to be a great BFF when times get tough.
She's glum with grief
It could be a bad breakup with her boyfriend, a family member passing away or even losing her beloved dog. Whatever is causing it, grief is really powerful and time is the only thing that will heal it. As her best friend all you can do is let her know you are there to listen morning, noon and night. Sometimes she will feel like talking a lot, other times not at all, so don't push her. Patience is the key here, you need to make it really clear that you love being with her even if the two of you just hang out reading mags and don't talk at all. Help her focus on the positive things in her life, without glossing over what she has lost. Never underestimate the importance of a good wallow so come bearing chocolates and let her know you are in for the long haul.
She's under the weather
Your friend isn't feeling so great which is enough to make the most cheerful person kinda down. It could even be something serious which will be harder for her to deal with. Be aware of what your friend is capable of and what she can't do due to her illness; if she isn't up to going out then why not organise a girls night in with your favourite movies, popcorn, and any of her other fav indulgences? Encourage her to stay active, even if you just take a stroll around the block or sit in the backyard enjoying some sunshine. You being there and showing her you want to hang out, even if she can't do the fun things you normally would, is exactly what she needs from you.
She's got family stuff
Her parents could be fighting a lot or maybe a sibling is going through a tough time, whatever the cause, family issues are the worst. Because it is a family matter she may feel ashamed and not feel like she can talk to you about it. You need to show her that you can be trusted not to tell personal information to anyone else. Try to find fun things the two of you can do away from her family, maybe even organise a sleepover at your place. Make sure you don't impose your own family values onto what she is going through, simply be prepared to sit back and listen and help her to get away from it all when it gets to be too much.
She's feeling down
Sometimes we all feel a bit flat and we don't know why. For some people this feeling can keep going and it seems like it will never end. If you have a friend who you think is suffering from depression this is really serious and not something either you or they can handle alone. Listen to your friend carefully and encourage her to talk to a professional without pressuring her. She may want to talk to you about how she is feeling but she may also distance herself from you, which can be hard to understand. Try not to take it personally and just make sure she knows you are there whenever she is ready.
Important info: If you feel out of your depth or are worried that what your fiend is going through is way beyond what you can cope with then you need to look for external help. You can talk to a school counsellor or ring Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800 and you can find useful information at www.reachout.com.au
