The Bromance Bug

When your boy seems to love (like, love-love) his buds, it makes you wonder where YOU fit in.

According to Urban Dictionary, Bromance is, "The complicated love and affection shared by two straight males." But being the girlfriend of a dude involved in bromantic behaviour can leave you wondering where you fit it.

Has your man caught the bug?

Symptoms may include

• Cancelled plans to hang with the boys.
• His bro-friend/s are always around, whether in person or on the phone.
• Constant boys nights or weekends.
• Feeling like every story somehow involves his bud.

Side effects

• Feel inadequate compared to his friends.
• Fear your relationship is falling hugely short of your expectations.
• You have to compete for his attention.
• Fake being interested in some of the things he enjoys in the hope he’ll be less interested in talking to his friends about it. Eg: “Soccer? I LOVE soccer! I know everything about it!” (while furiously looking up socver in Bing.)

Prevention

Here is what to steer clear of if you wanna get a little QT with your man.

• Dating and relationship guru Samantha Brett (samanthabrett.com) says, "Never blame him for ditching you for his mates…EVER! He will only become resentful of you and it will make you seem like you’re whining and always complaining."
• Sitting around and moping. Flirting expert Katia Loisel-Furey (howtogettheoneyouwant.com) says, "If he’s out doing what he loves it gives you time to do what you love, so make the most of it!"
• Giving him an ultimatum! A guy will rarely choose a new relationship over his mates.
• Expecting him to know you’re upset. "With most guys, unless you spell it out for them, chances are they won’t have a clue what’s wrong. They’re not mind readers," says Katia.
• Expecting that the time you have together will be spent gazing into each others eyes is sure to leave you disappointed...and make you look a little mental.
• Being too harsh. "Traditionally guys have been taught to hide rather than share their feelings but they’re slowly developing deeper relationships with their friends" Katia says. So have a little patience.

Prescription

As tempting as it is to delete his besties number from his phone, it’s important to take a mature approach.

• Try communicating by identifying with him. Katia suggests starting with, "I know how much I love spending time with my girlfriends, so I understand why you’d to spend a lot of time with your mates" and then finish with “but I’d love to spend some one-on-one time with you too."
• Sympathise! Remember that hanging out with his friends is easy and non-confrontational whereas spending time with you (especially at the beginning) can be nerve racking.
• Girls bond by talking, guys bond by doing things” Katia says, “So suggest doing things together.” Ask him to show you how to play pool, or kick a footy around a local park. “Then after you can roll around in the grass together!” Katia suggests.
• Be the confident, fabulous girl he fell for in the first place. You know, the one that ISN’T defined by her single/taken status.
• The holidays are especially rough on girls who have boys with boyfriends, “For a lot of guys, the holidays are a time for testosterone action-packed adventure. Burning off that extra energy with male camaraderie sometimes looks better than shopping” says Katia. “You also notice it a whole lot more because you’re not distracted by school or homework” adds Samantha.
• Tell your man you’re keen to do some of the stuff he usually saves for his mates, “Try his favourite burger at his favourite fast food joint or watch some guy-flicks with him” Samantha suggests!

If you still feel like you sit waaaay down on his to-do list, and you’ve tried communicating with him…it might be time to rethink your relationship. Katia says, "If being with him is making you feel second rate and sending your confidence plummeting it’s time to move on."

• He doesn’t return your calls for days.
• He constantly cancels your plans for his friends.
• He ignores or mocks you in front of the boys.

If you're the one who is infected

Some girls are so determined to not let a relationship affect their friendships they go overboard by putting their poor boyfriend on the backburner to prove a point. Katia says, “You wouldn’t like to be left hanging by the phone or felt like you weren’t always their first choice.” It’s simple… if you don’t really like someone and aren’t prepared to give them the respect and attention they deserve… don’t date them!